K, I’m not crazy.

I was lying on the hospital bed clutching at my chest, unable to breathe or open my eyes. As I lay there curled up like a tiny little embryo, I thought to myself, this is it — I’m going to die.

Whilst the above is upsetting and a little dramatic, I have suffered through it at least 10 times since Monday. Honestly, I stopped counting at “fake heart attack” number 10 because I “kinda” got sick of pre-empting my own death… Morbid. Apart from the chest pains, I have no energy and I have fainted a few times. My memory of this week is also a little foggy so if I haven’t returned a phone call or message – it’s not my fault!

Yes, yes. Every test possible has returned with next-to-normal results. I’m currently awaiting the results of yesterday’s CT scan of my neck and head, but all that’s going to reveal is that I have a massive brain capable of super-human abilities… sarcastic. In a nutshell, my heart function points towards normal and they’re now looking at my nervous system. Fingers crossed we’re all good there too – but then what’s causing all of this? (Wasabi girl – help?)

“Your results are normal. If your symptoms worsen, come back.” That is what I have been hearing from doctors and nurses at the hospital all week. Whilst they can only do as much as they can for me, it has been very discouraging. My symptoms have remained the same all week with no improvement and no real cause. Thankfully, my Cardiologist sat me down and asked me “Kim, do you believe that there is something wrong?” My reply: “I’m not f*cking crazy. I know that there is something wrong with me.” He nodded. “Right then. Let’s find out what it is.” I’m telling you friends, not all heroes wear capes.

I’m not crazy. I know that there something is wrong with me – what that is, I don’t know yet but I’m going to find out. I’ve learnt one very important lesson this week and that is no matter what the textbooks say, only you know how you feel and you have just got to keep battling, because someone out there is going to believe you. I believe you. My cardiologist will believe you. We’re not crazy. We got you.

Sitting, waiting and wishing for answers,

Kim. xo

Ps. If you’ve suffered similar symptoms please do not hesitate to contact me, any help or advice is appreciated.

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